My corpulent minion, that blubbing wormling, Jamie Thomson tells me that you humans like to listen to music, sometimes for pleasure, sometimes even when working, some even when writing. My slave writer, Jamie, claims he cannot abide music whilst he writing as it distracts him from the work in hand - i.e. writing up my biography according to my dictates.

I must say, I have to agree with this. He is a weak-minded old sot, easily distracted by the most simple of things, like cup cakes or the buzz of a bumble bee or the smell of burgers frying in the morning. I have enough trouble keeping him focussed on the task at hand, let alone introducing music into the mix - my cattle prod would run out of batteries in no time!

Nevertheless, perhaps you humans would be interested in the Dark Lord's favourite songs? These are the ones I listen too, whilst my biography is being written. It is indeed a pleasure to listen to these fine works whilst watching my slave chained to a desk, scribbling away! Every now and again, the music is enhanced by the cry of the Thomson, as I jab him awake.

Ahhh, simple pleasures eh?

1: The Imperial March. John Williams, Darth Vader theme tune from Star Wars.

I went through a phase where I hid some speakers in my Dark Lord robes and swept into rooms with this blaring out at full volume! But then I realized that I was pandering to the fame and greatness of a different kind of Dark Lord. I knew I had to find a signature tune of my own, so for now I use this:

2: Dracula – Philip Glass and the Kronos Quartet

Spooky but also short, which sometimes is a good thing. Shame the vampire had to die like that - I could have made good use of the Count, may Van Helsing suffer the Curse of the Withered Plums! But it's good as my entrance music. Gets peoples attention. Until I can get one especially written for me.

2: Waltz in Black, the Stranglers.

It really sounds like Agrash Snotripper, one of my Goblin Captains, sniggering in the background. Could the Stranglers have somehow travelled to the Darklands and recorded some of my goblin servitors all those years ago? I will have to investigate further.

3: Yoshime – the Flaming Lips

The only problem is that the ‘those evil robots’ don’t win in the end. Wish they would. Get rid of those blasted humans once and for all.

5: Iron Man – Black Sabbath

Heh, heh, I know how he feels. He can come and work for me, anytime!

6: Bela Lugosi’s Dead - Bauhaus

I think they are confusing an actor with a real vampire, but still. If only they knew.

7: Cantara - Dead can Dance

My kind of chanting weirdness, like a witch dancing around a fire and casting some a hex or a curse! Oh yeah! Well, maybe. Maybe she’s just singing, but still, I like to imagine, you know, that’s she’s an evil witch and that.

8: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, Ennio Morricone

Christopher’s the Good, I’m the Bad, and Sooz is the… no wait, what am I saying?

9: Our Darkness, Richard Hawley N

ice guitar but also lots of good stuff about Darkness.

10: Heaven must be missing an Angel - Tavares.

This is a real ‘oldie’ apparently from some kind of almost mythical age on earth you humans call ‘The 70s’. I don’t even like it, it’s all happy and lovey dovey, but I thought it would be cool if I could get someone to do a cover version but with new lyrics so it was about me. You know, like

‘Hell must be missing a Devil, Missin' one devil child, 'cause you're here with me right now.’

That type of thing.

11: I can’t die, if dying is without you - AngelBile.

Classic Death Goth tune.

12: I like my coffee black and bitter, like my heart - AngelBile.

Sooz's favourite. Though apparently AngelBile aren't real!!! How can that be? Next thing you know people will be telling me I'm not real!!!