"Dirk's Diary - if you've read the books you'll know about his Diary. If not, well, he calls it his Black Diary of Doom and it's where he records all the slights and grievances he suffers at school...." - Jamie

July 14th, 2014
August 5th, 2009   Dismay 5th,

My computer skills are growing. I am learning how to write computer code, and I have joined one of those networking social sites on the internet these human children keep talking about. Facebook or whatever it’s called.

September 15th, 2009   Misery 15th,

That accursed BattleAxe! She gave me a detention today in English class. Just because I kept insisting that the  three witches in Macbeth were the good guys and that Shakespeare was really trying to say that Claudius, Hamlet’s so-called evil uncle, was the true tragic hero. After all, if Claudius hadn’t given in to guilt, or cared about accidentally poisoning his own wife, he’d have been free and clear! Which is an important lesson to learn. But oh no, the wizened old hag just couldn’t see beyond her own text books. Well I wasn’t going to give up either so I kept on arguing with her. I guess I didn’t help things by suggesting she could have been one of the three witches herself. Anyway, in the end she put me on detention and sent me off to see the Headmaster. Little did she know sending me off to Grousammer was no problem, ha, ha! The old vulture looked as miserable as a Wood Elf in a lumber yard to see me.  He barely said anything at all, just mumbling something about being a good boy and how old Battleaxe was a good teacher and I should treat her with more respect etc. Blah, blah. Anyway,  I’ll have to stay behind after school and write an essay on ‘Morality and Ethics in the works of Shakespeare’. How tedious!

September 16th, 2009   Misery 16th,

The old Battleaxe wasn’t too pleased when I handed my essay in. I wrote a piece praising the virtues of Machiavelli’s The Prince instead - a marvellous book about how to back-stab your way to power and then ruthlessly hold onto the throne using every dirty trick in the book once you’ve seized it. I’m particularly fond of this line, ‘it would be best to be both loved and feared. But since the two rarely come together, anyone compelled to choose will find greater security in being feared than in being loved.’
Anyway, she looked fit to burst at first, but she had to admit it was an interesting perspective. Then she gave me another detention, the stinking, do-gooding meddler! I guess I’ll have to write something about Shakespeare after all.

September 17th, 2009   Misery 17th,

I downloaded an article from the net on Shakespeare and handed that in to the old Battleaxe. She didn’t bat an eyelid, the old fool.  Mwah, hah, hah!

September 18th, 2009   Misery 18th,

That evil, snooping witch! She worked out that I’d copied that thrice-cursed essay from the internet! By the Nine Hells, was she angry! I guess telling her to ‘calm down and get a grip’ didn’t help things much either. So she bundled me off to the Headmaster again, ha, ha! Grousammer looked even more hacked off to see me than the last time! Anyway, he had to give me a written warning to satisfy Batelakes. But I didn’t mind – I have everything I need and the Time of the Eclipse is drawing near, so this will be my last warning, my last detention. Soon I shall be returning home to the Darklands!

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